


Like a Dandelion

by bleedinglight



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bittersweet, Infidelity, Lost Love, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23055817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bleedinglight/pseuds/bleedinglight
Summary: Sometimes, he liked to believe that it was a dream.But dreams eventually end and he was thrust back into reality.
Relationships: Ephemer/Ventus (Kingdom Hearts), Vanitas/Ventus (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

He didn’t feel like he belonged here. He knew that he shouldn’t be here, surrounded by these people who had managed to be there for _him_ in the way that he wasn’t. He knew these same people didn’t hold him in high regard either. To them, he would always be the one who walked away. The one who left even though everyone knew that in the end, that was what he would have done anyway. It had been in his heart to travel and see the world. Learn about the history in each country, take apart each city, and come back with stories that would regale generations for years to come. That was what he had wanted to do.

A nomad, they called him. No home to go to, always traveling.

Like a dandelion in the wind.

But being back here, back in Daybreak Town, he was forced to see what he had left behind. People he knew once in school were grown up, committed to their own careers and better yet, a family. Everyone he knew had set foot outside of Daybreak Town the moment they graduated, choosing to go wherever their heart had led them. But in the end, they all came back for one reason or another.

He just wished that this wasn’t the reason.

His shoulders tensed when he felt someone sit next to him. He didn’t need to look over to see who it was.

There was only one person who would come close—and he was the person who hated him more than anything in the world.

He was also Ventus’ currently widowed husband.

Neither of them had ever really gotten along, so Ephemer wondered why Vanitas would choose to sit next to him.

“I’ve always hated you, you know,” Vanitas began without any warning. The sudden confession had Ephemer tensing. “Not one bit. Even now, I still hate you. But I’m not going to throw you out—if only because I know that Ventus would want you here.”

Golden eyes seemed to stare at him, burning a hole through him.

“So, don’t fuck up in saying your goodbye to him.”

Just like that, Vanitas stood up and went to greet the others who came to the waking.

Ephemer stared at his back, slowly forcing the nails away from his knees and wincing at the feel. Reluctantly, he turned his gaze to the open casket just ahead of him. Even from this angle, he can see the soft tufts of spiky blond hair poking out from inside, a grim reminder of who was laying inside of it.

He never imagined this day would come.

If anything, he thought he would be the first to go between them.

How could this have happened?

Of all people, why did it have to be Ventus?

\---

He was six.

Ventus was four.

Their parents were friends and it was his own parents who suggested they moved to Daybreak Town. Back then, their parents practically threw them at each other. His parents believed that it was time for Ephemer to get his head out of the clouds, make friends other than that rowdy girl named Skuld who seemed to have a knack for getting into trouble. Naturally, Ephemer enjoyed the idea of making friends with this little young boy. He was cute, looking up at him with such bright eyes filled with wonder and shyness expected of a four-year-old. It didn’t take very long for Ephemer to warm up to him, easily taking him under his wing and introducing him to Skuld.

The three of them became best friends.

Ephemer was always the ‘leader’ of their misfit trio. The adventurous one. Everyone knew that even with him taking care of a younger kid, his head was still in the clouds. Games were often played daily even when Ephemer began to go to school and Ventus was homeschooled.

But Ephemer always made sure to tell Ventus about his day in class, always so excited and buzzing with energy. There were practically stars in his eyes as he talked about his new classmates and whatever topic they had for the day. He always made sure to have Ventus walk about his day too, sitting with him and listening intently about his day.

It didn’t matter that their parents practically forced them to be friends.

In a way, it felt like it was always meant to be.

\---

“He talked about you all the time, you know,” a soft voice spoke up, startling Ephemer.

Everyone had just finished saying their goodbyes to Ventus, resting flowers on his casket with bowed heads. He had to take a moment to step outside, feeling his chest constrict at the sight of his old friend (friend or was it more, the voice in his mind hissed at him) surrounded by yellow tulips, his favorite flower. Ephemer felt like he was breaking down slowly the longer he remained in that room, feeling chills go up and down his spine and nausea creeping in his stomach. Just being near him made him feel physically ill and he felt bad. Out of everyone—he should be the one standing by that casket where Vanitas stood. He should be the one who should be greeting everyone who came.

But he wasn’t.

Ephemer looked over, seeing Aqua’s gentle smile greeting him. “…What?”

“Ven,” Aqua clarified, standing beside him. She tugged her jacket closer around her body as a chilled wind blew past them, seeming to stare into something in the distance. “When we were in college together, you were all he ever really talked about. He gushed over you a lot.”

“I…um…”

She smiled at him. For a brief moment, Ephemer was reminded of Ventus’ smile. There was something comforting about it.

“It’s okay,” she told him. “You’ve always been someone precious to him, you know. Even after everything, you were still someone he treasured greatly. It made Vanitas jealous a lot.”

Ephemer smiled, torn between sheepish and flattered as he scratched his cheek. “Well, he’s never really liked me anyway.”

“If you don’t mind me prying, why did you leave? Weren’t you and Ven inseparable?”

“That’s…”

Ephemer frowned, dropping his hand. He looked in the distance, watched the sun begin to disappear beyond the horizon.

“Ephemer?”

“It’s a long story…”

\---

All it took was a confession to bring distance between them.

Ephemer regretted letting it happen in the first place. He knew Ventus liked him. It wasn’t that hard to find out. The younger boy wore his heart on his sleeve, after all. They were supposed to be best friends, but he would admit that they began to grow apart once they entered their teen years. Ephemer began to spend more time with his friends from school, dipping his hand in everything that interested him. His parents always said he had a bright future ahead of him and part of him just didn’t want to conform to their ideals.

They wanted him to be a doctor? He opted to find a job that let him travel around the world. He made sure to find a good enough college to provide that, often took on abroad trips in high school whenever it interested him.

He succeeded.

He found a college overseas that would let him expand more on what he wanted to do. Graduation was an affair and he already had plans to leave for the next morning. Early. He didn’t want to miss out on whatever life wanted to throw at him, not for his future. Not for his desire to explore and travel the world.

“I like you.”

It was a quiet confession in the night.

It was their last night together and Ephemer wanted to spend it with his friends and family. Skuld always did say he would be the one who would go the farthest among them. They went out to a few stores; Skuld wanted to make sure he had enough clothes appropriate for the weather overseas, Lauriam giving him various recipes in a handmade cookbook, Brain handing him some movies to watch on the flight, and Ven—

Ephemer had received a red scarf from the young blond, told that it was something he made himself.

The two of them had spent some time outside while everyone was still partying inside. It was the only time the two had managed to spend some time alone together in a long time. He felt bad for sidelining his childhood friend. Ventus had been nothing but supportive of him, and even after Ephemer began to spend time with his other friends, he’d still find little notes in his notebook and snacks in his bag from him, often reminding him to eat. He knew his parents were busy to do anything like that, so seeing these notes from his youngest friend made him feel warmth bloom in his chest.

But he never had feelings for him.

Ephemer looked guilty as he looked over at Ventus. “Ven, I…”

“It’s okay that you don’t feel the same way.” Ventus gave him that smile of his. It wasn’t the usual bright smiles he greeted his friends. The boisterous one that made it feel like sunshine was beaming down at him. This one was soft and warm, like the gentle rays of sunshine that would greet you with a morning’s kiss and a loving hug. As far as he knew, he was the only one Ventus ever gave that smile to. “I never expected you to, but I just wanted to tell you.”

“You should’ve fallen for someone else…”

Ventus shook his head. He looked up at the stars glimmering above them.

“That’s not how love works, Eph. I’m just happy to let you know. In life, you can’t let regrets take it over.”

“How very mature of you,” Ephemer can’t help but tease. His smile softened. “Even if…I don’t feel the same way, I am going to miss you, Ven.”

Ventus beamed at him. “I’m going to miss you, too.”

\---

It had been days since the funeral and Ephemer only continued to feel lost.

He decided to stay in his hometown for a bit longer. He reconnected with his old friends and decided to stay with his mother in the meantime. Unable to help himself, he explored the familiar, dusty streets of Daybreak Town. As he looked around, nothing seemed to have changed at all. There was still that ice cream store in the corner. The old fountain was still in the center of the park. Despite how much time had passed, it seemed like time didn’t touch this place at all.

Ephemer knew his mother wanted to say something.

Skuld always made the attempt to get him to talk about it.

Even Ventus’ friends from college tried their best to try to talk to him, try to offer their condolences as if it would help him move on.

But it was in Ventus’ mother that Ephemer found himself talking to, seated in that familiar old living room with that grey-colored round rug in the middle of the living room. The same soft beige couches that always seemed to breathe out feathers if sat on just the right way.

(He remembered playing with Ventus a lot on these couches, catching the feathers and pretending they were treasure buried deep inside as they jumped on these same cushions.)

“It is nice to see you, Ephemer,” his old friend’s mother said, giving him that warm smile as they sat down, a tray with a teapot and tea cups placed on the coffee table between them. “You look like you haven’t aged a bit.”

Ephemer can’t help but smile back. She had always been a second mother to him.

Sometimes he felt closer to her than his own mother.

“You still look as lovely as ever too, Mrs. Harte.”

The elderly woman chuckled. “Such a charmer. But…it is good, despite the circumstances that brought you back.”

That had Ephemer’s smile fall a bit.

Mrs. Harte immediately looked apologetic. “I’m sorry, dear. I know it’s still hard to talk about.”

“No, it’s okay,” Ephemer assured her with a shake of his head. “I guess, it’s still kind of hard to believe.”

“It is. He’s always been a bright boy. For that to happen to him…”

Ephemer pressed his lips together, eyes shifting to the wall where a picture of Ventus was hung. The whole wall seemed to be full of pictures of Ventus, ranging from his childhood up to the time when he got married. His eyes couldn’t help but linger on the picture of Ventus and Vanitas together, both of them _so_ happy that it actually made him ache looking at it.

\---

“A wedding, huh?”

Ephemer ignored the pang in his chest, fingers curling into a fist on the windowsill as he looked out at the city streets below him.

It had been a couple of years since they talked and Ephemer honestly wondered how Ventus managed to get his number. He most likely got it from Skuld. The two of them hadn’t lost touch over the years, and she was the one who kept him updated (mostly on Ventus, but he refused to admit it). He did try his best to keep himself informed about what was happening with everyone even without needing to talk to Skuld.

Thank goodness Kingstagram existed.

But it was still nice to hear Ventus’ voice again.

(He ignored the pang of guilt when he realized that he could have easily called Ven instead.)

“Who’s the lucky guy or girl who managed to get your heart?”

_He didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to hear about the person who managed to take Ventus away from him—_

“His name is Vanitas,” Ventus answered. His voice was bright and cheery, but there was something else Ephemer can tell, too. It sounded…incredibly fond. Incredibly in love. “We were in a few classes together in college, but we were formally introduced since Isa’s a mutual friend of ours.”

Ephemer resisted the urge to swallow. “So, what’s he like? How long have you guys been…going out?”

“He’s the complete opposite of you if that’s what you want to hear. The first time we met, we did nothing but argue and fight. He got on my nerves a lot.” There was a soft snort on the other end. “But…he’s a softie underneath it. He has a habit of antagonizing you in the beginning, but once you get past that, he’s…not at all what he seems. He still likes to tease me and antagonize me, but it’s never out of ill will. We’ve been going out for a couple of years now.”

So, during the time Ephemer didn’t talk to him then.

“I’m…happy for you, Ven.” He smiled, hoping the younger man didn’t notice the pause. “When is the big day?”

“It’s May Fifth next year. I…was hoping you’d come.”

_I don’t want to. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to see you giving that smile to someone else—_

“Yeah, of course I’ll be there!” Ephemer chirped, ignoring the growing ache in his chest. “Wouldn’t want to miss out on your big day.”

A soft laugh. “Great. It’ll be at—”

\---

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.

How long had it been now?

Ephemer lost count. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and before anyone realized it, a year had passed since Ventus’ funeral. He began to travel again, but there was no destination in mind. He didn’t know where to go. There was nowhere to run away to, nowhere he can try to escape from this living nightmare—

He ignored the calls from Skuld and his mother. He ignored the emails that Lauriam sent him.

He didn’t want to talk to anyone.

(He pretended to ignore how he kept calling Ventus’ phone, just wanting to listen to his voice. He pretended that he didn’t watch past videos of them together that his mother had given him the last time he went back home.)

It hurt.

He missed him.

Ephemer _missed_ him, but he couldn’t bring himself to go visit his grave. Not yet.

He was never good at saying goodbyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Ephemer’s father was in a car crash.

He died on his way to the hospital.

It was one of the few times Ephemer went home, aware of the grief plaguing his heart, the way his chest felt so tight and constricted it made him want to throw up from the anxiety. Even being in that room with his father’s mangled body had spots dancing in his vision and he couldn’t even register his friends’ voices. His mother wanted him to stay at home, but he knew he couldn’t. Not yet. So, Mrs. Harte took his mother into her house while Ephemer stayed at a hotel.

He wished he reunited with his friends under better circumstances.

He didn’t…He didn’t want to reunite with them like this.

Trying to forget about the pain seemed like a good idea at the moment, even if it was alone in a hotel bar.

“Eph.”

He blinked at the voice, slowly turning to see Ventus and he felt the air knocked out of his lungs for the umpteenth time that day. He saw Ventus at the waking, of course. But he hadn’t had time to properly enjoy his company given how busy everything was. Looking at him now—Ephemer can say that Ventus grew up to be beautiful. He would admit to himself that he couldn’t bring himself to stop staring at him during the wake, only forcing himself to do so completely whenever his attention was demanded or Ventus’ husband would be with him.

(It should have been him at his side.)

“Uh—hey, Ven,” Ephemer greeted with a strained smile. “What’re you doing here?”

“I was staying at this hotel too,” Ventus answered with a smile. “Mom thought it was a good idea to stay with your mom, and Vani had to leave after the wake since there was an important meeting he couldn’t miss in the morning.”

“Oh.”

“Are you okay?” There was concern in those vivid blue eyes as Ventus took a seat next to him. “You’ve…been quiet. Which I get. But you know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

Ephemer felt his throat close up. Ventus was here. He was _here_ with him. But—

“Yeah, I’m fine!” he chirped. “I’m surprised you didn’t go with your husband though.”

“He understood that I needed to be here right now.”

“How understanding of him. He’s a good guy.”

Ventus chuckled softly. “When he wants to be. Do you mind if I drink with you?”

“Not at all.”

And then after that, everything became a blur.

Ephemer knew he was spiraling. He had already drunk too much earlier, but he never thought he’d let himself fall _so far_. He didn’t remember much about that night. All he could remember was feeling bare skin against his, the heat of another body pressed beneath him. There was nothing but heat and pleasure that clouded his senses. It made him become lost in the oblivion, lost in the heated cloud that seemed to surround and press on him from all sides. All he knew was that he needed _this_.

Needed to hear the soft, pleasured gasps from beneath as he slid inside.

Feel the nails raking down his back hard enough to break skin, but the pain felt good. It felt exhilarating.

Even in his drunken mind, he can see those blue eyes peering up at him with hazed pleasure. He can still taste the salt of that skin on his tongue.

When morning came, he was lying in a bed full of blankets but without a body beside him.

He didn’t want to get up, wanting to get lost in that dream again.

That had been the last time he saw Ventus.

\---

“You should go see him.”

Now _that_ was a voice Ephemer wasn’t expecting to hear. It had his head jerking up, eyes widening at the sight of seeing Vanitas, of all people, standing in front of him. The last few times they met, it wasn’t exactly pleasant. He was punched in the face by the golden-eyed man, screamed at him with words that only made Ephemer want plummet further into the bottom.

“See who?”

Vanitas narrowed his eyes. “You know exactly who.”

“I thought you hate me.”

“I do,” the younger man agreed, but he moved to take a seat next to him. “But there’s no point in holding a grudge against you when you do a spectacular job in hating yourself. Besides…it’d make him happy. Knowing you went to visit.”

Ephemer pursed his lips and looked away. “I…can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?” Vanitas shot back, sounding aggravated. “Listen. I know you and Ventus had…some kind of weird thing going on. Why do you think I punched you in the face back then?”

Ephemer grimaced. Even now, he can still feel his face ache from where Vanitas punched him. It was their only time they talked to each other alone—though it was more of Vanitas demanding him to stay away from Ventus before he stalked away, angry footsteps still echoing in his head.

“Ventus told me what happened between you two before your father’s funeral,” Vanitas continued. Ephemer can feel himself tense up. “We don’t hold secrets from each other, so of course he told me. I was pissed off. At you. At him. But I could never be mad at him for too long. He was…so guilty about letting it happen. I wanted to hit him, you know, but it would have been counterproductive. That’s why I hit you. I was pissed off that he let it happen, but most of all, I was pissed off that you took advantage of him.”

“I didn’t—”

“You _did_ and you knew it.” Vanitas clenched his jaw and for a moment, Ephemer thought he was going to hit him. Then the younger man exhaled heavily through his nose, shoulders slumping. “I wanted to do more than to punch you in the face. I did. But then I remembered Ventus and realized I couldn’t.”

Ephemer remained quiet, unsure of where Vanitas was going with this.

“Wanna know why? Because it would’ve made Ventus sad and despite what people like to say of me, I _never_ want to see him sad. I’ve had enough of seeing that when I saw him cry over you. He’s cried over you so many times that it made me so tired of seeing him with tears at all. If doing what you guys did helped him reach that closure, then good. But I knew that even with how much he loved me, he still loved you.”

“Vanitas, I…”

“It’s your own fault, you know, for letting him go.”

Ephemer hung his head at that.

He knew. For so many years, he came to regret his decision. There were so many times he had to tell Ventus the truth. So many chances he had to hold him in his arms and just admit it to him. That he loved him. But because he was so scared to love him, he let him go.

“I know,” he eventually whispered.

Vanitas grunted, moving to stand up. “I hate you,” he told him again. “But I also pity you.”

“What?”

“Go see him. That’s all I’m going to say to you.”

Ephemer remained quiet, watching Vanitas as he walked away. His eyes landed on the young boy who ran over, greeting Vanitas happily. He was struck by how much the child resembled Vanitas, remembering seeing him on Ventus’ Kingstagram before. How that child was _their_ child—his and Vanitas’ through surrogacy. They were a family. A _happy_ family and Ephemer…he was stupid to let that slip away from him.

He wanted to feel angry at himself, but he couldn’t.

His mind just kept racing with thoughts with what Vanitas said to him.

_Go see him_.

Ephemer had to hold back a laugh, bowing his head as he fought the urge to cry. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. How was he supposed to know? Ventus and Skuld were the ones who always seemed to know. They were his confidantes, but he hadn’t been treating Ventus like the friend he was in recent years. He pushed Ventus away and told Skuld not to say anything to him.

He felt lost.

He always felt lost.

The moment he chose to walk a path that made him separate from Ventus, he felt like there was no real destination in sight. He felt like he was beginning to stray far from what life had initially planned for him. He just kept going wherever the wind kept sending him, going from one place to another. It was just how he lived.

And he never felt absolute joy in how he lived it.

_Go see him._

_It’s the least you can do._

_For him._

Ephemer closed his eyes.

\---

The cemetery was quiet as expected.

He felt like he shouldn’t be there. It felt...too peaceful for a place where people were buried underneath. The weather was sunny, not a cloud in the sky. He clutched the bouquet in his hands tightly, unsure of how to proceed as he approached the grave marker. He can feel anxiety clutching at his chest, threatening to wrap its claws around his heart and pierce into it, making him bleed from the inside out. But he knew he had to do this.

For both of them.

Ephemer knelt in front of the tomb, feeling the urge to run away.

Bu he couldn’t.

He owed it to him.

“Hey, Ven,” he greeted softly as he placed the bouquet down. Sunflowers. They always were Ventus’ favorite flowers. “I’m…sorry it took so long. I just…”

He paused, bowing his head.

Ephemer took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry,” he continued quietly. “I’m sorry for not telling you the truth. I’m sorry for not telling you about how I felt for you. I thought…it was better. For the both of us, but I was wrong. It hurts right now to still think that you’re gone. I don’t want to be without you, Ven. Ever since we were kids, you’ve shone so brightly that I didn’t know how to handle it. So, I made the mistake of running away. I chose to run away. From _you_ , from what we could have been.”

Tears began to fall from his eyes.

He felt ashamed of himself.

He felt regret.

He felt lighter.

“I was a coward. I didn’t know how to handle my emotions and it made me run away from everything that could have been. But…I was so, so happy to know that you were a part of my life. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I don’t. But…thank you, Ven. For everything. For being there. For loving me. For reaching out to me even after I began distancing myself. Thank you.”

Ephemer swallowed.

“I love you, Ventus.” Finally, he said it aloud, even if it was years too late, even if the person he loved was gone and he was still here. Stuck. “I love you. I’m sorry I never told you before. I’m sorry it took me this long to tell you. I’m sorry.”

Tears flowed freely this time as Ephemer finally allowed himself to grieve.

For a wasted chance.

For his friend being gone.

For knowing that he let him slip away.

But he felt lighter than he had been in a long time. He felt happy.

\---

Fifteen years.

Sora walked to the grave, holding a bouquet in his arms.

His memories were foggy, but his father always told him stories of his other father. Of a carefree blond with the brightest smiles and the bluest of eyes. It made Sora cry sometimes whenever he thought about it. But it was the first time he came here on his own after his father passed away in his sleep, holding onto a star-shaped pendant in his right hand that Sora recognized to be his papa’s. Vanitas always made sure to bring Sora to the grave every year to visit, sometimes even staying back whenever Sora had to leave early.

Sometimes he can still hear Vanitas tell his papa about everything that happened, about how he should meet their grandson one day. A little blond that they named Ventus to help keep that memory alive.

His steps slowed when he saw someone crouching in front of Ventus’ grave, talking.

He recognized the person from the photo album his grandmother had given him.

Ephemer.

Sora lingered back, not wanting to interrupt, but he couldn’t help but stare.

How long had it been? It must have been years, but Ephemer didn’t look so different from the pictures he’d seen. He still looked like a young man, but even from this distance, Sora can see there was something much more mature in his eyes. Something old.

Sora lowered his eyes. Somehow, it felt too private. Too intimate.

Then a wind blew and he held the bouquet tighter in his arms. He tried to look up, to look at Ephemer, but found him to be smiling at him. He swore he could see the white-haired man mouth something to him, but had to close his eyes as the wind just kept getting stronger. When it finally died down, Sora opened his eyes and found that Ephemer was gone. Startled, he ran over to the grave, looking around before he noticed something out of the corner of his eye.

He blinked, looking down at the grave.

There, wrapped around the tombstone was a red scarf. Tied within it was a single sunflower and a dandelion.


End file.
